Now is the winter of our discontrevor.

It was very important that I took a break from this blog, as you would understand if you were a Trevor. I'm sorry if I haven't provided the guidance you've needed but I had to give you some time on your own, kid. You've got a lot of potential and I didn't want to scare you off with the harsh realities of the world before you were ready.



I've tried to keep it to food, but there needs to be more than that. I have gone into a deep introspection and I truly believe that I can represent Trevordom again. I still need your help, but I recognise that I haven't provided you with specific instructions. I was hoping I wouldn't have to, but I'm not feeling the love right now.


As I slowly watched my legs develop bedsores, I wondered how chairs had been ruled out of the equation. I began my journey to find some answers.

Many of the answers I found were predictable cliches - "Get out of my shop", "I only work the counter here", and "Why don't you upsize your meal for only 50 cents?". I was particularly upset with the last response. I have issues with people who answer my questions with questions. Deep-seated issues.

As I slurped my ninth can of mountain dew I considered my options. I could either collapse where I was and throw it all in or I could try to get home, but there was no returning home without the answer to it all.

The little man inside me was insisting that I eat a pie floater before I continued, but I resisted the urge, such was my want to discover the truths I was yet to discover.

I threw my cognac to the ground and stubbed my cigar out on the nearest coke whore. The screams and abuse from my close friends were completely inconsequential save for the extra drive to continue that they gave me. I suddenly knew what was needed.

A swimming pool full of rotting minced beef.

I need your money to fund this, so instead of donating to your favourite charity, give me the money instead. More money will go to the people that need it - 100% of your cash will go to filling a swimming pool with minced beef, unless I can fill an olympic pool. If it goes beyond that I'm keeping the rest. Don't try and question my actions or my motives. You'd be forgetting who is teaching who. Get out of my dojo.